All Together an Average Height
by ZuksGaia
Summary: During a mission, Edward magically becomes very tall and Roy very short. EdWin Royai, Comedy, short story less than ten chapters disclaimer in profile
1. Mission, Impossible!

Chapter 1: Mission, Impossible! 

"I'm being sent on a mission with the Colonel!" Edward screamed. If there was anything Edward couldn't stand, it was milk and Colonel Mustang. He has already encountered the first today.

"This is an investigation best suited for skilled state alchemists. So far, the Colonel has mostly sent you away on research projects and inspections. I just thought you'd like an opportunity to do something more interesting." The General laughed. Edward himself had never even seen this General before, and wasn't even sure of his name. "But why does the Colonel have to come, too? I can handle this mission easily myself!"

"I'm sure you can. But…" the General looked around nervously. "Okay come here." He motioned for Edward to come closer so he could tell him. Edward complied. "Don't you think it's strange you've only been sent on that variety of mission?" Edward looked confused. "No…?" "Well, it is." The General informed him. "Normally, after being in the military for about as long as you have, about three years, right? Normally, you'd have been sent on some variety of dangerous mission. But you haven't at all, have you?"

Edward thought about it for a second. He had been on dangerous missions before, just not any that were really supposed to be dangerous. "So? What's your point?" "The point is, Edward, is that I think Colonel Mustang has been intentionally keeping you from doing any 'dangerous' missions, because he doesn't believe you're capable since you're still so young. He thinks you can't do anything like that because you're a child."

Edward looked appalled. He had never really thought about it, but it _was_ strange none of his missions were really dangerous. It must have looked doubly odd to the rest of the military, who had no clue about his interests in the Philosopher's stone. But could it be true? Did the Colonel really think Edward was a useless good-for-nothing because he was still just a 15-year-old kid?

"If you go on this mission with him, you can prove yourself, Edward." The general was right. "Of course I'll go!" said Edward. "Good. I'll see you there later this evening, FullMetal."

Edward walked off, rather pleased. He would show that good-for-nothing Colonel who the real child was.

Later that night. 1900 hours. An abandoned factory, suspicious criminal reported hideout.

"Ah, glad you could make it, FullMetal." Colonel Mustang smirked. "Same here." _Yeah right, you jerk. You just want me to screw up._ "Well, then, why don't we get started working here then?" Colonel said, and he started to walk off. "Wait," Edward stopped, "What about that General? Wasn't he coming?" The Colonel stared at Edward. "Are you crazy? Generals don't go on missions like this. This is a job for someone of our ranking, not a higher up. Get a move on, pipsqueak."

Edward's ears twitched. "What did you say?" "I said, move your lazy rear and get to work, FullMetal. Don't be such a child." The Colonel turned the corner and walked off.

"_Don't be such a child_." Edward mimicked in a high, whiney voice. "_Get a move on, pipsqueak_." He trudged off the opposite direction. _Colonel really does think I'm just a useless kid. Well, I'll show him who's the child here, he better just wait._ He looked around and squinted in the twilit night. No strange, freak criminals in here.

Edward continued to scour the building for insane criminals for several hours, well into the night. Nothing, nothing, nothing. He flopped over onto a crate. "Ahhh… my legs… ooohhh…" More than exhausted, he was getting really, really bored. And where had Colonel Mustang gone? For all Ed could have known, the Colonel left hours ago to get some coffee.

"Aaaaaahhhh!" Edward heard a scream echoing from the other side of the factory. "Colonel?" Edward stood up and ran over to investigate. On the far side of the factory, one of the doors appeared to be lit on the other side. "Colonel?" Edward asked again. He pushed open the old, creakey door.

All he could tell next was he felt his legs yank out from under him. It hurt so much. He felt like he was being stretched out like a wad of taffy. His arms, his legs, his entire body, being pulled out in nothingness. His spine was being torn at from the center, and he could feel several hard, mangling knotted somethings being shoved in between the bones. His shoulders were being pulled sideways, and his neck was making cracking noises. His left arm hurt a lot, he could feel the bone getting longer and longer, and each little bone in his hand, too. He could feel scraps of metal flying around him and clattering –kathunk- into his automail. His leg extending, pulling out, his ribs giving way to his growing insides. He tried to cry out, "Aaaaaahhhh", but he couldn't hear himself.

Ed awoke several hours later. He was back where they had started, outside the abandoned factory. He was lying on the ground. "Auugh…" He groaned. "Ah!" he gasped. _What the? That's not my voice! _He grabbed at his throat and felt it. Something was definitely weird, here. _What's going on? What happened? I don't remember! Why am I here? _Thousands of questions shot through his mind.

He looked down.

"Waauuughhh!" He cried, jumping back up. _What the…?_ Below him, there were two long, masculine legs coming out from his pant legs. One made out of flesh, one made out of very stylized steel. _What the? My pant legs?_ They only reached to just below the knee, and they were really tight! _What's going on?_ Edward was really starting to panic now. He looked at himself, further up. His shirt was small now, too. It reached above his belly button, revealing a smooth and tough-looking six pack. Edward carefully poked it. _OMG! _ It was real. He looked at his hands. They were really big now. His automail had grown in size to match his flesh limbs. His left arm was strong, and muscular. _Is this… me?_ Edward wondered.

He looked around him. His jacket and overshirt lay behind him. He decided to see if he could put them on, but as soon as he got both of his arms in the overshirt, the back ripped in two and in turn ripped the arms off with it.

What on earth is going on? What's happening to me? Is this even me? Suddenly, a thought occurred to Edward. He put his hands on his face, and felt it. His chin was broad, and his nose… was really big. Or at, least, it seemed like it was really big, but Edward himself had always had a sort of a small nose. It felt like an adult's face, no doubt about it. He ran his fingers through his hair. It was a lot longer, now, too. He pulled it out in front of him. It was blonde, his color blonde hair.

So was this him? Or… was this him, as an adult?

Edward began to feel excited. What if this was him, as an adult? That would mean that as an adult, he would be very tall, and as far as he could tell, very tall _with an incredible figure_. This thought pleased him indefinitely. Even if his nose was big, as far as he could figure his face wasn't so bad either. His mind began to wander.

So as an adult he could be tall and handsome, and people would look up to him, "Hey, look! It's the FullMetal Alchemist! He's intelligent, and so good-looking. All the ladies love him, too. It's just not fair. How does that man do it?"

"Mr.Elric, you're so handsome! I love you! But you're so cool and successful and smart, you'd never go out with a girl like me, I'm sure." _And he would reply sweetly,_ "You're so kind, why wouldn't I go out with you? You're so cute, too. Don't put yourself down like that." "I'm sorry, Mr.Elric. I won't again." "Call me Edward." "Alright, Edward." Their faces moved in closer.

Edward's dreamy thought bubble suddenly popped. And he looked kind of awkwardly strung between pleased and scared. For a second, the girl had started to look like Winry.

He sighed. He began to chuckle. But if he was an adult now… how could he so quickly become such a player? The thought tickled him, anyway. After a while sitting there daydreaming and admiring himself, he began to wonder what had happened to the Colonel. He thought back, and remembered the scream he heard earlier.

Oh no! What if the Colonel had been hurt and he hadn't even done anything about it? He disliked the Colonel a lot, but he didn't want him to be attacked and murdered by some crazed madman and die! It was his fault it had happened! Edward jumped up and started to go back into the factory, but stopped very quickly and fell over. His pants were starting to cut off the circulation to his legs. It hurt a lot, but he couldn't just stop now. Awkwardly, he stood back up and walked off in a strange manner. His legs weren't the only things being hurt by his too-small pants.

"Colonel?" Edward called out. He was redoing almost the same routine as before again, except this time his voice had gotten a lot deeper. "Colonel?" Instead of just wandering around inside, he decided to check all of the doors to the outside, too, since he was outside a door when he woke up, if the criminal was behind all of this, maybe something had happened the Colonel, too. After about half an hour of wandering, he opened one door to the outside that didn't open all the way. It softly went, 'thud' on something soft. "Colonel?" Edward repeated, and turned his head around the door. "Co- _Colonel_!" This was the Colonel alright, but Ed hadn't even slightly expected this.

He was laying there outside of the door, sleeping. His face was round, and his skin, you could tell by looking at it, was really soft. His clothes were falling off around him. He looked like he was about five years old. And he was sleeping soundly as one, too.

"Colonel?" Edward was now asking slowly and softly, as any sensible adult would to wake up a child. "Colonel Mustang? Wake up…" Edward prodded the Colonel's head in what he thought was softly, but his entire head jerked and hit the door. "Oops!" Edward fell back onto his behind. Even if he did look like a child, this was still his boss, and he was still a bit intimidated by him. Almost more so now that he appeared so innocent.

His eyes opened slowly, and Edward instantly wanted to crawl away and hide somewhere. He just realized, when he woke up, he was alone! But he woke the Colonel up! What would the Colonel do? With him around! He figured that if the Colonel had woken up on his own and gone to find Edward, when they met the Colonel would be calm and collected. But if he was there when he finds out, what would the Colonel's reaction be? Quickly, he scooted out of immediate view.

"Huh?" The Colonel asked. "What happened?" Edward's emotions changed almost instantly. More than anything, he wanted to laugh. Roy didn't just sound like a child, he sounded almost like a little girl. Edward held back hysterics. He was positive there was a little girl back in Risenbul who sounded exactly like him.

The Colonel rubbed his eyes, and stared at the ground for a moment. "Huh?" Ed couldn't take it, it was insanely funny. He legs kicked in the air silently. "What the?" The Colonel's eyes widened as he stared down at himself, and Edward almost felt like he could die. His face was ridiculous, too. It was maddeningly over-exaggerated, like so many funny little kid's expressions are. "Auh?" Colonel mustang looked scared and pulled at his hair, and Ed's legs flailed around insanely in the background. If there had been metal by his feet, the sounds of his kicks could be mistaken for the firing of a machine gun. His eyes were closed, and tears were running down his reddened face, he was trying not to laugh so hard.

When he opened his eyes again, his legs stopped flailing senselessly and he slowly lowered them to the ground. It wasn't funny anymore.

The Colonel was now curled up in a ball on his side, shaking. He looked for all of goodness like he was going to burst into tears. The way he looked now, even Ed couldn't bring himself to laugh. Seeing a child cry is hard for almost anyone, even someone as tough as Edward Elric. And the Colonel really did look like he was going to cry. He looked so, so scared.

Ed wanted to say something, but he was still worried about what the Colonel might do if he saw him here, now. He decided it was better now than ever. "Colonel?"

The Colonel's head jolted up. "E…Edward? Is that you?" The little girl voice was back, but Ed managed to hide his urge to laugh at it. "It's me." Edward replied, as calmly as he could manage. "What's happening?" The Colonel sat up. Ed laughed. "Like _I'd_ have any clue, Colonel. I don't know." The two stared at each other awkwardly for a minute or two. They both seemed to be readjusting themselves to recognize one another.

"What do you think happened?" The Colonel asked after some time. "The only thing I can think of is that, either it was the criminal we were looking for, or, it was something else in that room." Again another long pause. "Hey!" Ed stood up. "What if whatever it was is still in that room? We should go back and find out, right now! Maybe if we find it, we could figure out how to change back!" Ed began to open the door again. "No!" The Colonel grabbed Ed's ankle, and the two looked at each other very, very strangely. "Um… no. That would be a stupid idea, Edward. So many things could go wrong, and… it's best that we not, in our current state. We should head back to HQ and send in a specialized team to investigate it." "But Colonel, what if-?" "No way, Edward, we're going back to HQ!" Edward glared down at Colonel Mustang. He had clearly decided for the both of them.

"_Fine_." Edward groaned, and he took the Colonel by the hand, and started to lead him away from the building. "Let's get going then." "Ah, wait!" "What, Colonel? You were the one who was so intent on leaving!" "No, that's not it, it's just that-" Ed turned his head to look back at where they were. Laying on the ground were the Colonel's pants, and boxers. The Colonel lit up bright red. His shirt and jacket fell all the way past his knees, and it looked like a bizarre, overly-long-armed girl's nightgown. "Um…" he blushed awkwardly. Ed turned back to the Colonel slowly, then ran back and grabbed his clothes, and quickly reassumed his position. "Colonel," he said very carefully, avoiding eye contact as much as the Colonel was, "I think we need to get some new clothes, first."

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇**Author's Note**▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

I hope you guys like this one! It's not going to be very long, and won't update very often, but it will update whenever I'm braindead during Timebreak!. Very soon, this one will be a Royai/EdWin fiction. I hope you guys like it, anyway! . Reviews loved, chow!


	2. Clothes Store!

Chapter 2: Clothes Store! Shopping is Like a War Game! 

服のストアショッピングはゲームの戦ライックます

Edward and Roy dodged around carefully in the dimly lit dawn light. Edward had managed to, very snuggly, squeeze into Roy's pants, but Ed's clothes were still too big Roy. Roy was wearing his own long white shirt, pretty much as a dress, and wandering around in that. The shops were just about to open… even though no one really bought clothes or books at the crack of dawn, the stores still opened early anyway, in case of weary travelers.

Herein they marched.

The stores opened. Quickly! Stealthier than the ninja, they disappeared inside of the clothes store. Voosh! They were gone. The storekeeper hadn't even realized they had gone in. She sat on a rocking chair outside of the doorway and began to smoke a pipe.

"What size do you think I am?" Edward asked Roy. "How should I know? What size am _I?_" The Colonel looked very cranky all of a sudden. _Need a nap?_ Edward thought to himself. "We'll figure this out the hard way, then, I guess." Edward said. He was still having a hard time adjusting to his new voice and height. His voice was much deeper and sounded slightly gruff. At first, he had disliked it, but now he was starting to think it sounded pretty cool. His head was so close to the ceiling now, too. He was almost scared he might hit it. In fact, he would, if he were to stand on tiptoe. "Fine. See you in a bit." The Colonel walked off in search of fitting clothes.

Edward walked over to the men's section. In all honesty, he hadn't ever been here before; he always had to shop in the _youth_ section. He smiled. This was actually very, very cool. He was an adult, an actual adult. He could say things to people and be respected, and he didn't always have to say, 'sir' or 'ma-am'.

He started to look over clothes. Normally, he hated to clothes shopping, but for some reason now he really wanted to get a lot of clothes. This thought, in all respect, embarrassed him, and he decided to keep it to himself. It was a girly thought. Even if Ed was physically an adult, his mind was still an angsty-15-year-old teenage boy's. He wanted to defend his newfound manliness in any way he could.

His favorite color to wear was black, without a doubt, but he figured he needed some more practical clothes, too. He picked out several casual suits to try out, as well as a couple pairs of darkly colored jeans and some black shirts. In the dressing room, there was a long mirror on the wall.

Edward stood and looked at himself in his new appearance, for the first time. Edward couldn't believe it. He looked really… well, sort of cool, but… he also…he couldn't deny it. He looked a lot like his father, Von Hohenheim. Broad shoulders, long blonde hair, a wide chin and a thick neck; the resemblance was all too obvious now. Hell, if he grew himself a funky-looking beard, he could be his dad's younger brother.

He decided it better to ignore it. He dressed himself in a plain suit with a gray vest and a brown coat and pants, and put a long chocolate color overcoat on top of it. He nearly tore the suit back off. In those kinds of clothes, he looked even more like his father. It was yet another thing he hated desperately: the man who had abandoned his family and left his wife to die of sickness and loneliness, and his children to grow up orphans.

After trying on several outfits, he decided on getting two long-sleeved plain white button-up collared shirts, two black tank tops, three pairs of black jeans, one pair of blue jeans, one pair of khaki jeans, a tuxedo, five plain shirts of assorted colors, a denim jacket, a couple of thick leather belts, and a red overcoat.

_Next, shoes._ He had been walking around barefoot since he woke up; his shoes appeared to have… exploded… with his feet growing inside of them, so of course he needed a new pair. He was still baffled as to how his automail had managed to grow, too; scientifically, it didn't make any sense that it would, but it still made more sense than his rapid change in stature.

He walked by the men's section, and then the boy's section, looking for the shoes. How is this place supposed to be organized? He stopped. There was Roy. Standing there, just standing there. Standing there, in front of the young boys/toddlers section.

"Oh, no way! Ya ha ha ha!" "Shut up."

Roy once again looked on the verge of tears. This time it was anger scrolling across his face, not fear. This time, Ed couldn't help but laugh. "Oh god – are you serious? Aww, poor Colonel Flame, he's so-" "What? _Small!_" Roy turned and glared up at Edward. Edward frowned. "So that's it, huh?" The Colonel turned away, stuck his nose in the air, and began to look through clothes. "Hmph." He was intentionally ignoring Edward now.

"Well, fine, be that way." Edward muttered under his breath. "I don't care." He marched off towards the shoes. _This sucks. Even if I'm big now, actually,_ He didn't want to confess it, even to himself. Whether he liked it or not, it was true, though. _Actually, I'm short. I can't mock him without mocking myself. It's the exact same thing as what he did to me._ This confused and troubled Edward. He wanted desperately to get revenge on Mustang this way, but at the same time he remembered very vividly what it was like and how much it hurt, and he did not want to be the one to cause that pain, even towards someone he disliked so much as Mustang.

Mustang, on the other hand, was equally confused. Even though it was humiliating to be so small that he had to get clothes in the young boys/toddlers section, and he was aggravated by the inconveniences caused by being that height, he did not understand why Edward had been in such loathsome denial about his height.

He found a rack with several small suits on it. He decided to try some on. Mustang felt incredibly uncomfortable without some sort of uniform; he even tended to go around in his military clothes on weekends and his days off.

He remembered a time back when he was a bit younger when he had gone out to the pub for a couple of drinks with Maes. Every other man there was wearing plain shirts and casual sloppy clothes (Maes himself was wearing a polo shirt topped off with a sweater his new wife Gracia had knit for him) while Roy had come in with a fancy suit complete with hat.

On the rare occasions in which he did wear something casual, if he was not wearing a collared shirt he became uncomfortable and wrapped a scarf around his bare neck. This had occurred once, and only once, and it did not last for very long, either, because as he met Maes later that evening, he greeted him and told him, "My mother used to have a scarf _exactly_ like that."

Now that he thought about it, even though Maes was his best friend, he sure did take a lot of crap from him. He sighed. _Oh well, at least he's honest. Better than Jean, who feels he has to lie to me._

He looked at himself in the mirror. _How the hell old am I, four and a half?_ He frowned stubbornly at the child in the mirror, then adjusted his tie. He cringed. Two things about this bothered him. Firstly, he looked exactly like he did when he actually was four and a half. Secondly, as much as he didn't want to confess it, even to himself,

_I look really girly_. He remembered back when he was a child and all the other boys made fun of him, shoving him over and calling him names like, "Cute little miss" and "Darling". He would run home, crying, "Diana! Diana!" And cry into her knees. "What's the matter, Roy?" she would smile sweetly and ask him. "All the other boys are making fun of me and saying I'm girly!" he would sob. "That's not true," she softly stroked his head, "they're just jealous that you're so good looking." And she would pick him up and carry him inside.

Even if she wasn't his real mother, he really did love Diana. He remembered clearly the day he had come home to an empty house, and sat waiting at the dinner table well into the night for the woman who never came home from her work in the coal mines. Diana was strong, and Roy refused to believe she could let her body lose in a fight against something so pathetic in comparison as a pile of rock. He left a week later to live with his teacher, leaving the empty home, which once housed a strong woman and a weak little boy.

He chuckled softly. If he remembered correctly, when he finally did come back home, he only did so to light that empty, ghostly shack on fire.

"You alright there, Colonel?" Edward was serious this time. He had come back to check up on the Colonel, but he did not expect to find him looking so solemn and stern. Although Edward couldn't see it (mostly he saw the top of Roy's head) a quiet tear had fallen down his cheek. "I'm fine," the Colonel said, looking up while casually wiping away the tear on his face. "Is that all you're getting?" Ed asked, pointing at the bundle of clothes in Roy's arms. "For now." He replied.

Edward took the pile. "I guess I'm paying, huh?" Edward had already chosen an outfit to wear out of the store, and taken off all of the tags. "Yeah." The Colonel laughed softly.

The two headed up to the register, after Roy had quickly and discreetly changed his outfit. After the clerk had rung up several items, he glanced up and said, "Say, isn't that one we sell?" he pointed suspiciously. "Er, this?" Ed asked. "I got this at another store back in the last town." "Let me see," said the man, and he pulled the hem of his jacket. "Say, this is definitely one of our designs." "Wow, really?" said Edward in false astonishment, "I guess that store's been stealing your designs."

Edward and Roy trotted out of the store and down the oldsey style road. "I can believe that buffoon bought your story." Mustang said under his breath. "Neither can I. Oh well." They walked down the road. "What are we gonna do, Colonel?" "What else can we do? We're going to find my subordinates –and your brother- and explain what the hell is going on." "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, what if they don't believe us?" "You got something better?" "Not really."

The two headed down the road back towards main Central City.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇**Author's Note**▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

The title of this chapter is in both Japanese and English, because I thought it sounded like an episode title to DragonBall Z or something. Don't you just love the original version of the anime? Diana may get another appearance in a certain other fanfiction of mine I'm not telling you yet. I actually didn't mean for her to appear in this one, but she sort of slipped in there. Oops.


	3. Surprise Attack!

Surprise Attack! Debut Appearances to an Old Crowd!

A.K.A. The Chapter You've All Been Waiting For!

"How are we going to do this?" Edward asked Roy nervously. The two had been hiding in an alley for just a couple of minutes, after they both mutually agreed they were gathering far too much attention. It wasn't that they were doing anything out of the ordinary; it was just…

_-Earlier that morning-_

"E-excuse me." A young woman tapped Edward in the side. "Huh?" Edward exclaimed in surprise. Two other women, about the same age, were giggling behind her. "Well, it's just…" the woman stuttered. "It's just that…" The two women behind her started to snicker louder, and you could hear one whisper, "Spit it out." The woman in front elbowed her and whispered a reply of, "Shut up." "What is it?" Edward asked. Roy had his hand on his forehead, and he shook his head back and forth. It was so freaking obvious to him. "It's ju-just that-" She nervously continued to stutter, "It's just that-"

"It's just that, _you're really hot and I wondered if you might go out with me_!" She burst out in pure shy fearfulness and then curled up defensively, obviously thinking of the stupid thing she had confessed under the pressure of her friends. Edward blushed, surprised and confused. "Umm…" He really had no idea what to say. Certainly no one had ever confessed love to him, especially not an adult woman he had never even met before. "Umm," he cringed, "…But, I don't even know you…" "I see!" and the woman turned around and sprinted off, her friends suddenly ready to comfort her.

"Huh?" Edward was still confused as to what had happened. "Are you really _that_ inexperienced, FullMetal?" Roy said, his face still in his hand.

This event repeated itself about three more times with different women. It would have been four, but Roy became so alert that he caught the fourth one in the act and casually tripped her.

This was not the only event that repeated itself, though, nor was it the only reason Roy became so alert.

Several minutes after the first woman attempted to ask Edward out, another group of women appeared. Roy thought at first it could be another group after Edward (although this was appalling; it didn't make any sense to him that more women would go after _Edward_ than _him_), but it was not. Instead, the group raced towards Ed and Roy, and to both of their surprise, scooped up Roy and held him tight.

"OH, isn't he _so_ cute? I've _never _seen such an _adorable_ boy! Doesn't he have the _sweetest_, most _innocent_ face you've _ever_ seen!" the woman who had picked Roy up declared. The woman next to her squealed, "I know! Oh, look at how soft his skin is! And I love his hair, it's _so_ light and fluffy, I bet it's really easy to take care of! Unlike _my_ boy." A third woman piped up, "_Wook_ at his _kewt_ chubby _wittle_ cheeks." And she then proceeded to go through the legendary aunt-style cheek pinch. "I wish he was mine." Said the fourth. "Look at his narrow eyes! You think that's he's Xingese?" "Maybe a bit." The group continued to hold Roy close to them (who was confused, partially due to their behavior and partially due to the fact they were suffocating him) while Edward tried to get Roy out of the tightly-bound huddle.

Finally, after a lot of squabbling between the women, Edward hollered into the huddle, "Can I have him back now?" The group looked up at him surprised, and the woman who had grabbed him quickly handed him to Edward, and the group walked off as if nothing had happened. (Or at least it seemed so, although one of them did say, "Do you think that man adopted him?")

Edward put Roy down and the two also continued to walk as if nothing had happened (although they both now looked exhausted and as if they had each fought with an army of safety pins and nail clippers).

After some walking, Edward casually asked Roy if he was Xingese. Roy replied that he honestly wasn't sure, but if he was he didn't think he was pure Xingese.

The two then encountered and fought off several more packs of women with similar goals in respect to Edward and Roy, until they finally decided to rest in the alley where the chapter begins.

"How are we going to do this?" Edward asked Roy nervously. "Well," said Roy, "once we get to Central HQ…" Roy thought for a moment. "Central HQ…" "Central HQ…" Ed repeated, in hopes of speeding up Roy's thought processes, but it had suddenly dawned on him how challenging it might be to get into HQ.

I mean, what security guard would believe him if he just walked up and said,

"Oh. I'm the Flame Alchemist, Colonel Roy Mustang. This here is the FullMetal Alchemist. Just yesterday, he was suddenly turned into an adult and myself into a child. I don't know how. We'd like to go in to explain to the rest of the military and hopefully work on getting this problem fixed."

It wouldn't work if they tried pulling out the relative card, either.

"Hello," Edward said, "I'm Robert Hawkeye, Lieutenant Riza's Hawkeye's brother."

"I'm his son," said Roy sweetly.

"I'd like to go in to see my sister. We're obviously related, and she already is expecting me, so I think I'll just go ahead without showing you my ID. I lost it, anyway."

Or the complaining law-failed innocents card.

"We're here to sue the government. May we go in?"

Let alone the infamous poor orphan card.

"We're here from the Happiness Center, a center which helps homeless abandoned orphans. Our center is losing funding, and we need money or else all the children will once again be homeless, and maybe die. Here's one with me."

Roy coughed and wheezed. "Oh, I think I'm dieing. I'm so hungry. Help me."

"We think that it will probably be of great interest for the Military to help with donations, because we do not want homeless orphans growing up on our streets and becoming crazed, mad criminals."

"It could happen." Roy croaked.

"Won't you please help our organization, the Happiness Center, survive?"

Roy wouldn't even consider the scouts selling candy bars card.

"No time to think now! Look!" Ed grabbed Roy by his shirt collar and feebly tried to hide them both behind a food stand. Edward smiled innocently at the shopkeeper woman. She smiled back and continued her work. Edward pointed, "It's Winry and Al." Roy replied, "Better sooner than later, Ed. Good luck." He tried to shove Edward out onto the street, but Edward didn't budge. "Come on." Roy said, still trying to move him.

Edward's face suddenly flashed with great brilliance and a smirking expression, as if a devious idea had crossed his mind. He stood up, ran, and charged into Winry and Al. Roy sat there, thinking "WTF?"

Edward continued to run towards Al and Winry. "Huh?" Al said, staring at Ed. "What is that guy doing?" Al asked Winry. "What?" she said, continuing to stare at automail parts. Edward grabbed Winry and slung her over his shoulder upside down. "Eeeeeekk!" she screamed. Edward smiled at Al with a crazed expression. "You better follow me if you ever want to see the girl again." Said Edward. He ran off with Winry screaming over his shoulder, "I'm being kidnapped! Help!" "Oh no! Winry!" Alphonse exclaimed, running after Ed. Dozens of people tried to get in Ed's way, but he easily knocked them over like bowling pins.

Once he was sure Al was the only one still chasing him, he turned and ran into an alley. "You! Let go of-" Al stopped as he turned the corner into the alley and Edward placed Winry gently down. "Sorry about that, you guys. I didn't mean to scare you." Winry and Al stared at Edward, befuddled. "Huh?" "I didn't think I'd get that much attention, either. I hope those people I knocked over are alright." Winry and Al continued to be confused. "What?" Ed smiled at Al and Winry almost as if he was embarrassed. "This is going to be awfully hard to explain." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't understand. What are you talking about?" said Al. Edward continued to smile awkwardly, red faced. "I guess you don't recognize me, do you?" He leaned against one of the walls of the alley. "It's kind of a long story, but… it's me, you guys. I'm Edward."

"Whhaaatttt?" the two screamed. "You can't be Edward! Ed's just a kid!" hollered Winry. "You're much too tall to be my brother!" yelled Alphonse. "Who are you calling a short kid who could never get taller in a million years?" screamed Edward. "It's me! Just let me explain to you!"

Edward did his best to explain to Al and Winry what had happened. "Wow," said Winry, "I don't believe it." "That's crazy," said Al, "Are you _sure_ you're Ed?" "How could I not be sure, Al! I'm positive I'm me!" "It's still really hard to believe." said Winry. "You're _really_ different."

"Hey," said Al, "Where is the Colonel, anyway?" Ed looked around. "Good question."

_-Meanwhile, in another part of Central City-_

"I still can't believe you're the Colonel!" "It's really insane!" "You're so cute Roy!" "I'm starting to consider quitting smoking, Colonel." "I love you, Roy." "It doesn't make any sense." "We have to track down who did this to you right away." "Shut up! Don't talk at the same time, I can't understand what you're saying!"

Riza hiccupped and sat down at the edge of the wishing fountain, smiling blissfully. "_I _can't believe _Riza's_ a binge drinker." said Roy. "I've known her for a long time and I never knew of her doing that before." "Well…" Havok said, and everyone turned to him as he clasped his hands over his mouth. "What I mean to say is, she's not _exactly_ a binge drinker." He held his head as he contemplated that he had once again said that entirely wrong. He realized that he might as well admit it now. "I didn't believe her when she said she'd never gone out drinking before. I took her to the bar and got her a drink, but I guess she got hooked after the first one because she kept on drinking and drinking." Everyone stared at Havok with an agitated look on their faces. Riza was giggling and teasing a fish that someone had let live in the wishing fountain.

"You really look _just_ like when you were a kid, Roy." Hughes said. "We have to find out what's going on immediately, to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else." Roy said. Hughes smiled and suddenly latched onto Roy. "You're so cute, Roy! I wish you could stay like this forever and ever!" He said, rubbing his thin beard against Roy's face in a teasing way. "Aaugh! Get off of me, Maes!" They walked off in the dimming evening light and separated, with a plan to meet each other the next day at work and sort this issue out with the military. They agreed to have Riza go home with Maes and sleep in the guest room at their house, since Havok had certainly caused enough trouble, and poor Riza's hangover would only be worsened if she woke up at Roy's house.

On the other side of town, Ed, Al, and Winry headed to their usual lodgings. They actually had to call in an extra bed for Edward, whose legs dangled off his bed farther than Al's did off of his, and everyone bid each other good night, not knowing what would come the next day…

…or who.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇Author's Note▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

…Ta da! . I couldn't post this right away because I was grounded over the weekend. All I can say is leave a review and look forward to the next chapter!


	4. Insane Hospital!

Chapter 4: The Hospital is Insane!

Adapting to a brand new life style!

Roy slid off of his bed onto the floor with a loud thud. Groaning, he rubbed his head and stood up. He sighed. His head was barely higher than the bed – it was hard enough for him to get on it, let alone make it.

He walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard. Again, too high. He walked into the dining room, took a chair, and slid it into the kitchen. He then carefully climbed onto it and stood up. _Finally._ He grabbed a box of cereal and shut the door. He put the cereal box on the floor and slid the chair until it was beside the refrigerator. He pulled the door open and put the chair in front of it, repeated the same procedure as before, this time with the milk, and shut the door. He did the same thing to get a bowl and a spoon (although he had to climb onto the counter to reach the cabinet with the bowls in it) and sat on the floor and made himself breakfast. He put everything back into its place, on a lower shelf, and ate his breakfast. He looked up at the clock.

"Already nine!" It had taken him an entire hour just to get the things he needed for his breakfast and put them back. Hurriedly, he fumbled through his clothes. About halfway through, he remembered that his uniform no longer fit him, and he glumly put on a suit he had bought instead.

Poutingly, he stepped out his front door and through his small yard onto the sidewalk. He started to walk to his car. Again, he remembered.

He walked up to it and hit his head on the door in sorrow. _How am I supposed to get to work? _It was too much.

"Hey- Colonel!" a voice called. Roy turned. It was Havok. "We thought you might have some troubles." Roy sighed and followed Havok to his car. Roy grimaced as he sat down. He couldn't even see over the dashboard. (Note: I have yet to learn to drive a car or even have a slight interest in them, even though I am of age; please excuse me for this blatantly uneducated sounding statement. I'm assuming the front thingy is indeed a dashboard.) The car began to drive off and Havok casually puffed a cigarette. Roy wheezed. He'd forgotten how sensitive his lungs had been when he was a child. "Oh! Sorry, Colonel. I probably shouldn't do that, seeing as they're probably gonna give you a physical examination an' all." Havok threw the cigarette out the window, a look of sadness on his face. One has no doubt that he was emotionally attached to it, and felt sad to send it to such a mournful end. "Phy-physical?" Roy asked, still coughing a bit. Havok said to the Colonel with the most straight-forwardness he could muster, still keeping his eyes on the road, "Colonel, you _degrew_ from about yay-high to about this'e here." Havok moved his hand from near the ceiling of the car to Roy's height. It was a rather distinct drop. Roy felt like a crushed soda can, with all the soda supercompressed vacuum style.

The two set off towards HQ. It took only about ten minutes.

When they arrived, they discovered that Edward was not there yet. Apparently, after hearing about the physical, he profusely protested and chained himself to one of his beds. They were still trying to drag him out, but he had bonded the steel of his limbs, the bed, and the chains together so well that he completely stuck onto the bed. Al was bickering with Winry about how to transmute him off, because she did not want his automail to be damaged any more than Ed had damaged it. Taking the bed with him was out of the question; it wouldn't fit through the door.

"What do you want me to do?" Roy asked the doctor. "We're going to do a basic check up, and a biopsy." The nurse replied. She was tall with orange-blonde hair snapped back tightly in a clip. She had a mildly fierce expression, and in a way, she somewhat resembled Riza.

Roy grimaced. "Biopsy?" He asked. The nurse complied, "The higher ups want your flesh to be tested to check for any kind of radiation, chemical imbalances, or mutations that could give any slight clue as to what has happened."

"Oh, I know that," said Roy, "I was just curious as to _where_." The nurse shrugged. "Dunno," she said, "Could be lots of places."

Roy frowned. _Great. Multiple biopsies. In lots of places. Spectacular._

Edward sat on the bed/stretcher/doctor thing with his back hunched over and a frown on his face. The doctor frowned also. He would greatly have liked to tell him to sit up straight, but it might be more painful. The military's hospitals at the time were notorious for incredibly low ceilings.

If Edward had ever seen the movie Godzilla, and watched as the gigantic mutated dinosaur-looking monster crushed the tiny model buildings of the city of Tokyo, he would have had something reasonable to compare himself to. He had not, and continued to glare miserably at the far off floor. He had imagined being tall as being far more satisfying, but so far it had caused him nothing short of pain.

"You two?" It was late in the evening already, and Ed and Roy had been waiting for their results for hours. The two were sufficiently traumatized.

Roy's doctor, a man who seemed more interested in his clipboard than anything else, had instructed the nurse through the entire physical. The woman prodded him repeatedly on the cheek and the stomach (without being instructed to ever do so), and smiled strangely at him when she did, as if he were a stray kitten rolled out on its belly.

Edward's doctor, on the other hand, was much more frightening. If he had seen this woman on the street, his first guess to her occupation would have been a model. A scary model. For clothing catalogs. Her hair was bright red, in sharp, long ringlets, her eyes were neon blue, and her lips were a shimmering candy apple red. She had the nerve to slowly rub her hand against his flat stomach, touch his arm, and even drag her brightly varnished index finger leisurely across his face. While doing so, she giggled quietly as if she were the shy, quiet type, and completely innocent. The entire time, Ed felt nothing less the victim of a horrible assault. He wondered if the woman had been informed that in reality, he was still a young teenager, and in all honestly, hoped that she had not.

Little did any of them know that the woman would afterwards be taken to the back lot of the hospital, slapped, pummeled, beaten, and tackled violently by a pack of savage (but just) Ed fan girls.

The doctor, (Roy's, the one who seemed in love with his clipboard) sat down in front of the two and looked up at them briefly with a stern face. He said, "The results that the medical technicians found is interesting, but the results that the military's alchemic scientists found is even more interesting." Both Ed and Roy leaned forward. It seemed as if time was working particularly slow, and they both vainly tried to see what was written on his clipboard themselves.

"You are an adult, and you are still a child." The doctor pointed at Roy and Ed in order. They nodded. This was something they both new already. They waited. Nothing.

"But what did the medical technicians find out?" Ed asked after a long, awkward pause.

"Exactly that." Said the doctor. Roy looked at him confusedly. "But we know that already."

"That's exactly what makes it interesting."

Ed and Roy looked at each other questioningly.

"Wait," Roy said, "You mean… _right now_?" "Right." The doctor agreed. "Wait!" Ed exclaimed. "You mean… I'm still a kid!" The doctor nodded. "Technically speaking, yes. Even though you look like an adult, chemically you're right where you left off. You're still growing, and have hardly even hit puberty yet." Ed shuffled in his seat. He knew the doctor was implying that he had yet to go through that typical teen growth spurt yet. But… wait. That was bad!

It suddenly struck Ed that if this was what height he would be as an adult, then if he went through a growth spurt like this-! He would be a giant! An enormous freak of nature! A monster! He wouldn't even be able to enter a normal building, and you could find him in a crowd instantaneously! He had always dreamt of being taller, but this-! This was too much! Edward shook in his seat, clutching he knees. "OMG!" He trembled.

"So you mean… I'm stuck like this!" Roy's greatest hope was that even if everything failed and they did not find a way to reverse what had happened, he could at the very least wait to grow up again. Now, his back up plan was ruined.

"I don't know. I don't really understand the scientific results very well. I mean, I _do_, but I don't know what that means _you _can and can't do about it."

"What are they?" Roy and Ed quickly demanded.

"Well," said the doctor, "They said that… it doesn't look like anything happened to you. You show no signs of being chemically deformed or radiated or anything. It's as if you've been the way you are now your entire lives."

Ed and Roy stared at the doctor with their mouths gaping open. "What?" Ed yelled. "Lemme see this!" Roy said, snatching the clipboard out of the doctor's hands. He stared at it for about a minute, reading page after page at lighting speed. "This sucks!" He finally yelled.

The doctor quickly snatched his clipboard back and clung to it defensively. "I don't know what this means or what you're supposed to do, but the military has asked that I remain out of the picture once you have been told that. And now you have, so good day!" He walked off clutching onto the clipboard as if it were the last remains of anything he owned after a fire.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇Author's Note▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

Okay. So, it took FOREVER for me to post this. I've been away, too keep it short. But, to let you in on it now, I'm also working on another FMA fic, which I plan on completing ENTIRELY before I post it… so it won't happen to that one, ever. Sorry about this, you guys, because I know you were looking forward to this a bit, I guess I did sort of forget about posting it… so here it is.


	5. New Heights!

Chapter 5: New heights!

The flaws and finishes of new reaches in space!

Edward moaned and rolled over. FWUMP. "Owww…" He rubbed his back, and began to sit up. BASH. "Owww…" He rubbed his head, and began to stand. DOOSH. The final time. He squatted out of the room in pain approaching tears. At this rate, he would die from near constant concussions in three years.

Since it had happened, things had been horrible. He hit his head on everything, couldn't fit through normal doorways, felt squashed in a regular seat, and barely made it inside of a train. His back always hurt, too, from all the leaning over.

He had imagined it being glamorous and wonderful, and on the outside it was. All the guys looked up to him instead of down, all the girls teased and flirted with him instead of yelling at him for being an annoying little brat. Yet the attention he yearned for left a deep emptiness inside of him.

Through all of his suffering, Edward still hadn't truly grown up. He was easily upset, when things didn't go his way or act on his behalf. Part of him was a still a child, one that yearned for affection and wished the world could spin as he pleased.

But Edward Elric was no longer a child, and such a thing was impossible.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Roy Mustang was experiencing life differently. He had endured just as many obstacles as Edward in his newfound height, but unlike Edward, he was not sad about it. He was a mature adult, and he couldn't be sad about it.

_Life is like it is_, he figured to himself, _and there's nothing you can do to fight it. The best thing to do is to go with the flow._ And so, he went with the flow, no matter how harsh and awkward the flow might be. While it was true, he couldn't reach his freezer or the top of his desk, he tried his best to continue work as well as he could. Roy Mustang fought on.

And so Edward and Roy continued this way the rest of their lives.

… I lied! That would be a _stupid_ ending. If I ended it like _that_, you could all reasonably hate me (especially people who like Edward!), and _that_ wouldn't be any good.

Besides, this is a comedy. I can't end a comedy that way:D

Roy came into work with the regular stares that had originally ensued minimized to that of the noobs and the transferred workers. He trotted along until finally, he reached his office.

"Hello Colonel." Sergeant Fuery waved. Work had managed to continue almost normally, and every acted almost exactly the same as they did before, save some 'adaptations' to Roy's change in appearance.

For example: Fuery. He behaved just about the same as before, except he smiled _more_ than usual. This could be partially due to the fact that Furey is as fond of children as he is of puppies.

Breda also smiled more than usual, but _not_ due to a fondness of puppies.

Havok was being very careful not to smoke around Roy, and Riza…

Riza, usually the last person to skip off on work, had been finding reasons to avoid work at all cost, including using up her previously untouched sick days. It was a strange situation, but thanks to this strange situation, less work was getting done than would be.

RING, RING. The phone rang. Roy reached his arm up as high as he could, knocked the phone off the desk and answered the phone. CLICK.

"Hello Roy! It's me, Maes. Look, I have a favor to ask you…"

Yep. Less work was getting done than would be.

"What is it, Maes?"

"Could you and maybe one of the other guys look after my Elisia for the afternoon?"

"What?"

"My poor beautiful wife, Gracia broke her ankle running in the marathon today, and I have to go pick her up from the hospital way back over in the East. Come on, Roy. I trust you. Please? My poor cute little angel, Elisia…"

"Fine."

"I love you Roy, you know that? If you weren't a man, and I was single, I'd kiss you!"

"…What? o.o"

"I'll leave all the instructions by the front door. I expect you at my house at 4:30, on the dot, you hear, okay?"

"…Okay."

"Okay, bye Roy."

"Wait!"

"What is it Roy?"

"…you wanted to try and kiss me _through the phone_? 0.o"

"Oh shut up, Roy, you know what I meant!"

"Apparently, I didn't… that was really creepy, Maes. 0.o"

"Okay! Okay! Sorry, Roy, but I have to go! The secretary is hitting me with her shoe trying to get me off of the phone! Bye!" CLICK. BEEBEEPBEEPBEEP DIAL TONE

Roy hung up. Havok was standing behind him, his mouth agape. "_Who_ wanted to kiss you over the phone?" "Oh, not you too, Havok! Shut up already!" Roy hit Havok in the knee with a rolled up newspaper he had been reading earlier. Roy sighed. This wasn't going to be any fun at all.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇Author's Note▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

I tried to finish this one ASAP. It's short, but the next one should be out soon. If you haven't figured, I'm much more fascinated by the interaction and problems that Roy is dealing with, versus what Ed is dealing with… So yeah, I'm a Roy fan. Boo me as you wish. On top of that, it's a lot easier to make up the stuff that happens to Roy VS what happens to Ed. I mean, with a tall, blonde, and according to the Edogirls, handsome guy, there are only so many things that can happen that don't involve OOCness and violent assault. So yeah. …Review or die…


	6. Babysitting Nightmare!

Chapter 6: Elisia the Terrifying!

Babysitting is an absolute nightmare! 

"Not fair, Colonel, I got dragged into this, too?" Havok whined, while at a stop sign. "What is Maes thinking, making me do this anyway?" Roy said. "Doesn't he realize I have more important things to worry about right now?" "Like yourself?" Havok asked. "_Exactly_!" Roy said. "Right now I am _absolute priority_!" "Well don't get high and mighty or anything, Colonel." Havok said. "That's the point!" Roy said, "I _want_ to get _higher_ and _mightier_! How could you be missing that?" Havok sighed. Though he was talking to the Colonel, he felt like he was talking to the "Chief", Edward.

The car stopped in front of a nice looking, narrow house in Central's suburbia.

"There you are!" Maes yelled from the porch, "Hurry up! I just kissed my little Elisia goodbye!" He turned around to find Elisia standing behind him. "What, you want another kissy from Daddy? Oohhkay" Maes said, picking her up and smooching her all over her face. "Now daddy's friends Mr. Roy and Mr. Jean are going to take care of you while I go pick up Mommy, okay?" "Okay!" Elisia piped up. "That's my bundle of joy." He said.

He ran across the lawn to meet up with Roy and Havok, who had just gotten out of the car. "You take good care of my little girl, or you're in for it." He threatened, and then ran off to the car in a hurry. "Bye bye, Elisia!" He called as he drove away. His voice seemed to linger in the air.

Jean and Roy walked up to the doorway where Elisia was standing. They both knew that Elisia was really shy, so they decided to be careful and speak gently.

"Hey there, Elisia-" they both began to say in unison, but as soon as the words left their mouths she ran into the house.

"I forgot Elisia was so shy." Said Havok. The two followed her into the house and looked around. Where did she go?

"Elisia?" Roy looked around. They were in a small living room with a door across from the front one. Havok was looking around and picking up ridiculous things like coasters and stuff looking for her. "Havok, you look in the rooms over there and I'll look over here." Roy had opened the door to reveal a small hallway with two doors on either side. "Gotcha, Sir." Havok said, and they split up.

Havok opened the door to find a small room, filled with papers and things scattered incoherently over a wooden desk… obviously Maes' home office. Havok picked up a couple of papers pretending like he was looking for the girl, but really he was looking for a way out of it.

On the desk under some papers was a small, box-shaped device. It had a small square of glass in the front, along with a few large dials and switches and two big antennae on top. "What the hell is this thing?" Havok wondered. Curious, he turned one of the switches and turned the first dial. Suddenly a gray fuzz appeared on the screen, accompanied by an irritating crackling noise. "Is this?" Havok continued to examine it. He gasped. "This is one of those experimental picture devices the military was testing! But why does Maes have one? Did he bribe one of the higher ups for it? This is so not fair!" With longing he adjusted one of the dials until –to Havok's utter delight- an image began to appear on the screen. "What's this?" Havok said excitedly, as the forms of two people became clearer.

_Oh, darling, how could you betray me?_ A woman's voice said. _I'm sorry honey,_ a deep voice replied, _but my true love is Charline, not you. I can't keep on living this lie any more. Forgive me!_ With a pang of regret the fuzzy man on the glass turned and ran away. _Martin!_ The woman screamed. _Nooooo!_

"No way!" Havok said. "They're playing Miss Lovely romance films on this thing!" Excited he snuggled his way into Maes' desk chair and continued to watch. He found a huge tin of peanuts under his desk (some kind of unwanted Christmas gift) and began stuffing them into his face like popcorn.

"Elisia?" Roy called. As much as he didn't enjoy it, Elisia was still his best friend's kid, and he didn't want to be the one responsible for something happening to her. He went back in the hallway. "Elisia?" He said again.

He peered into the doorway of his second room. Aha! He saw a bit of movement in the corner. _Maybe I should be discreet_, he thought. _She seemed really nervous_.

"Elisia? It's me, Mr.Roy. Why don't you come out Elisia?" Roy called. "Come on. I'm your babysitter, remember? So you have to do what I say." Roy climbed around a bunch of random boxes and things… the room was dimly lit and they were obviously using it for storage. "Elisia?" Roy poked his head around a broken chair. "Elisia?"

_Pwuk._ "Ehh!" Roy said confused. He turned the corner to find Elisia and she had pecked him on the cheek! "Eeep!" She ran deeper into the random cardboard and stuff chaos.

_What the?_ Roy thought to himself. _Wait…_ He looked at himself in a cracked mirror balanced on a box nearby him. A round faced young boy stared back at him. _Oh my god! Maes' daughter must have some kind of weird crush on me! ….Eww…_ he thought. _Okay, so that's really creepy. But what the hell am I supposed to do? It's Maes' daughter. Do I explain to her I'm an adult or what? _Roy continued to stare into the dimness where Elisia was hidden thinking about it. _But what if she liked me before then? No, she never acted this way before… then, there's no way she could recognize we're the same person either. Shoot, this is confusing._

_Charline, my love, I've found you. Please, my dear, come to me! Why are you turning away?_

Havok was merrily consuming the peanuts. _Don't look at me Martin, don't look at me! You could never love me again!_ Charline screamed. _Nonsense my darling,_ Martin said, _You are my only love. _

_You could never love anyone so hideous as me Martin! Please, leave me! _

_No, I won't Charline!_

Charline turned around to reveal a deformed looking monster face. "Ewww." Havok said, "When is Miss Lovely coming back? Forget about stupid ugly Charline, I want my Miss Lovely!"

"Elisia?" Roy called into the dimness. Suddenly, he changed face. His gentle and cute expression turned into an angry and demanding pout. "ELISIA!" He screamed. "STOP HIDING AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Faster than a bullet Elisia darted out of the room, up the stairs, and into the safety of her bed covers.

Roy smiled. He was an adult again. _That was short-lived, he thought. Hahaha, I wonder what Maes will think when he finds out I was his daughter's first crush?_ He thought about it just a second more. _Then again, maybe he shouldn't know._

"Hey, Jean? Jean?" Roy called into the hall. He hadn't heard Jean since he went to investigate the first room. "Jean?" he opened the door.

"Miss Lovely! No! Martin, you bd! How could you hurt my Miss Lovely?" Havok had his knees propped up over the arms of the chair he was sitting on, peanuts spilled over his lap, and a handkerchief in his mouth. "JEAN!" Roy yelled. The chair flew over backwards.

"Clean it up, Jean." Roy said leaving the room.

Roy and Jean left the house later in the evening rather relieved they had to go. Or, at least, Roy was. "It's not fair!" Havok called out into the street. "I want a picture device! A movie thingy! A telewatchamacallit!" Roy sighed. "You mean a television?" Havok looked at Roy. "Like I can remember a fancy word like that! They should just call them PDs for picture device, MT for movie thingy, and TV for televasomething!" Roy's mind had already wandered off, though.

He looked towards the ground and smiled weakly. Some how, having the ground close to your face is always pretty comforting, but it bothered him that it did and he wanted it to stop. He could feel in his gut that this wasn't right. There was a huge part of him that was missing. And deep inside, he really, really, wanted it.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▁▂▃▄▅▆▇Author's Note▇▆▅▄▃▂▁░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

ZOMGWTHGTGBBQTTYL… Elisia has a crush on Roy and Jean on Miss Lovely. I made her up for fanfic purposes obviously, and that's her name because I couldn't figure out what kind of name someone back then would have. Because I'm dumb. Next is some Royai luff and EdWin angst. Because… for me to put up with Edwin there **has** to be angst. :P So yeah… hmm, yeah, TVs are so new they don't even have a name for them yet… Mmm, I want there to be Havok x Katherine Elle sometime… why does that seem so non-existant? Sob story. Oh well. TTYL! Review!


	7. Vertical Horizons!

Chapter 7: The vertical horizon!

Seeing the world in a new way!

Roy sat down and sighed. _Pfft._ This life… this way of living… it was becoming too comfortable for his liking. There were no leads at all, and as far as anyone knew, no reverse measure, no going back. But how was he to continue living on like this? Was he supposed to?

Even if Fullmetal couldn't bring himself to believe such a thing, Roy did have some faith in how the world worked. Some belief in some higher will. Was this how he was meant to stay, the rest of his life? Was this some kind of destiny? Or, was he meant to fight it? Was he meant to go against this way of living?

He looked up at the sunset. He was sitting outside on the ledge of the fountain they had stopped by, the first day after this had happened. The sky was a fading tangerine with grayed purple tinges, and rose pink clouds floating their way around. It was rather magnificent to look at.

A rustling noise.

Roy turned around quickly. Riza was standing behind him, but she looked startled. She hadn't meant for him to look back at her. "Riza?" he asked quietly. "What are you doing here?"

--

Edward climbed up the rusty metal ladder carefully. It creaked and moaned at him loudly, and so he moved with utter caution. He doubted that it would hold his weight much longer.

It had been weird enough to finally realize how much taller he was. But his weight… now _that_ was an incredible shock. Before that, he would never have believed that someone could way that much and have anything left resembling a figure on them. But he was just as fit, if not fitter than he ever was.

It was bizzare to figure out just how much size really did add onto strength, too. The thought of ever being able to beat his brother Al in a fight would have seemed a good challenge before, but now…

It was too much to think about. He just needed to clear his mind and straighten things out for now. He thrust himself up onto the roof. CREEEAK! He looked behind him. Erm… perhaps the straightening out would start with the ladder.

--

"Um," Riza said, quietly. "Er, nothing. I was just… looking at the sunset…" Roy looked over his shoulder and then back at Riza.

"Oh yeah, it's really gorgeous tonight, isn't it?!" He laughed.

"Yeah…" Riza said.

Roy looked at her. "Are you okay Riza? You look a little flustered…" He looked at her. "Hey, wait a minute, are you blushing?" Roy said rather loudly.

"Ah! No! I'm not!" Riza squeaked.

"That's a bold faced lie! You totally are! Riza, you're completely AUGHUGHGH!" Roy had started to stand up on the fountain ledge and had fallen in. Riza blinked.

"Ahahahaha!" she laughed. "You're the one who's dripping and cold, aren't you, Colonel Useless?"

"Hey! I'm not useless!" Roy said, still sitting in the fountain.

"Yes you are – ah!" The fountain had suddenly gushed and water had splashed all over Roy's head (which only went a few inches over the water, by the way).

"You okay, Colonel?" Riza asked.

"Ohh, no I'm good." replied Roy. "Although," he shivered, "I am pretty c-c-cold!"

"Come on. Better get out of there before you get any wetter." Riza said, starting to pick Roy up.

"Ah! Hey! Let go of me!" Roy yelled. "I'm big enough to get out myself!"

Riza, who had begun to do so instinctively, quickly let go and put her hands straight to her sides like standing at attention, embarrassedly. "Sorry, sir!"

"No, it's okEEYAH!" Roy's foot slipped as he started to go over the top of the ledge and he fell back and hit his head square on the center statue with a girlish squeal.

"Colonel!" Riza yelled.

"AH…" Roy said. "Riza… I think I may have… a little concussion… OW…"

"Let me help you." Riza said. This time, Roy gladly accepted the help. Riza sat him down properly on the ledge, and took off her jacket and placed it around his shoulders.

--

Edward lay down on the concrete of the hotel roof. It was smooth and hard, but more comfortable than the beds he had slept in the nights before. This new way of living… it seemed like it was false. It wasn't true, and it wasn't meant to be true. But it was. This was really him.

_I thought this was what I wanted,_ he thought, _but all it's brought me is discomfort and unhappiness. It's been a while since I've felt so depressed. I want to shrink into a shell and hide. But I can't hide, and I can't shrink. But I can' stand it… I can't stand being so tall. I feel like I'm such a freak… I can't stand myself. Why do I always have to think like this?!_

The clouds bore no rain.

--

"Thanks Riza." said Roy, if a little weakly.

"Well, you need to rest and dry off." said Riza. Roy gave a small cringe. "You sure you don't need to go to the hospital?" Riza asked, concerned.

"No, not that place again!" Roy yelled loudly, but his eyes were still crinkled shut.

"What's hurting you, Roy?" Riza asked.

"It's nothing. It's just… I'm still a little cold, that's all. It's no big deal-"

Riza wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Is that better?"

Roy flushed. "Riza-?"

"Are you warming up more, now, Colonel?" Riza asked.

"Y- yes…" Roy said. _What is she thinking?_ Roy's mind screamed. _What is she doing, hugging me? Does she really just want to help me warm up, or…?_ His head was pounding.

"Roy," Riza said. "I think that even though… this happened… I'm falling more in love with you."

Roy turned and looked up at Riza. Her eyes were unhesitant.

_She's being serious with me?!_ "Riza, are you feeling okay?" Roy yelled. "Maybe you're a little too warm?" He started to put his hand on her forehead, but as he did, she slipped back, and they both fell into the water. KASPLASH!

"…Roy…" Riza said, carefully, "You look just like when you did… when I first started thinking, that maybe… I was a little in love with you…"

Roy wasn't sure how to respond. His mind had gone completely blank, and he didn't know what to say. But as he glanced at the sky, he couldn't help but notice the sun – redder than a lover's rose.

--

"Edward?" Winry climbed the rest of the way up the rusty metal ladder to the roof of the hotel carefully. "What are you doing up here? It's getting dark."

Edward sighed heavily and turned, his eyes now looking at the paved flat rooftop. "Only place I fit into right." he mumbled.

Winry grimaced a little. "I'm sorry Ed. But I'm sure that we can figure this out. And everything will be fine in the end. It always is."

Edward rolled over so he was completely facing away from her now. "That's not true, Winry. Things aren't always alright in the end. Especially not for us."

"Edward, that's not…" Winry began.

"We're not living in a fairytale Winry. Things aren't that simple. Don't you understand?" he spoke into the floor.

"Edward. I'm sure… I'm sure that in the end, we can get you back to the way you were…"

"I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY I WAS!!" Edward yelled, livid. He clambered up quickly, his face filled with incredible rage. "I don't want to be different any more, Winry! I don't want to be short! I don't want to be tall! I don't want to be a freak, a prodigy, an anything-! I want to be a normal person Winry! Just a normal person! Why the hell can't you understand that I don't want to be different any more?"

"I see. That's fine then…" Winry spoke quietly, coiled up a little bit. Her eyes were open incredibly wide. Edward realized that she looked terrified.

"Winry-!" Edward began, but as he said it, he realized that his voice was …so loud. So fierce. So deep, and angry. And it reminded him of his father for some reason, even though he had never heard him yell.

And suddenly, he was frightened too.

But Winry had left.

Edward turned and looked at the sky beside him. The fading sun was a grim blood red.

▁▂▃▄▅▆▇Author's Note▇▆▅▄▃▂▁

Krahhhhh. Writer's block. Writer's block. Writer's… block. I know, I took forever. But! (Cries!) I was SOOO stuck. I had NO IDEA how the story was going to be. No clue in my mind. So I couldn't write. But I'm kind of back. Maybe it's because I ate a good mame (BEAN!) mochi, but my brain's a little unfizzled.

It doesn't really match the rest of the story so far, but I wanted to write it. It's very serious, not nearly as funny as it was before. Although Roy did have a good run of clumsy moments, I think it was more "sweet" than it was "funny". I spent a lot of time showing the boy's contrasting views of things.

In case you are wondering about the "rain" line for Edward, I was implying that no one shared his feelings or felt sympathy for him. And of course, I put the two different views of the sun, too. :D I enjoyed it.


End file.
